I haven’t talked much about shopping addiction lately, because… well, I haven’t been struggling with it. Yay! After accepting quarantine life and putting together my summer capsule, it was pretty clear that I don’t need anything, and I felt so surprisingly satisfied with that. In fact, it was roughly 10 days ago that I told you all everything was good and fine. And that was true! We haven’t even come to the good part of remixing the capsule yet! So there’s a long way to go with my good and satisfied feelings.

But then. I had a moment (as I occasionally do, stemming from ALL THE THINGS) where I found myself overwhelmed and browsing online, adding things from my wish list to my cart, with no intention of buying …until I clicked that purchase button on a pair of sneakers. And then another. And another! Then a lounge wear set. And a belt. A secondhand blouse too. It didn’t all happen at once, but over the course of a few days I realized what was happening. I had to stop myself there, but trust me there are many more cute things catching my eye right now.

Before I clicked buy, I did reference #thefourshoppingrules. But clearly something wasn’t connecting with the inventory portion when I’m ordering 3 pairs of sneakers. They weren’t exactly impulse buys, as I’ve had all these things on my wish list. But I kept telling myself, I just want to try them. I’ll return whatever doesn’t work. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with that — except what if they all work? Haha.

Now I typically like to come with advice or some big lesson I’ve learned from my actions. But the stuff hasn’t even arrived yet. And mentally, I’m not ready for my big lesson. I don’t even know why I feel the need to tell you guys this. Or if there is any lesson to be learned at all. We already know I don’t need anything. That’s not the problem. The problem is I want stuff. I want new stuff sometimes. And I’m embarrassed to admit that it mostly comes back to wanting to look cute. It’s superficial and a first world problem and who even cares if I’m cute? ESPECIALLY right now.

But I’ve said many times, the thing I miss most about shopping is the fun I had with my clothes. I took style risks and loved experimenting with different genres of clothing and really found joy in that. Momentarily, anyway. I know in the long run, I’ve been much more satisfied with less. And finding clothes that I can wear for years to come brings a different kind of satisfaction. But it’s not the same. Not only am I questioning my style more than ever and feeling a bit lost, but the act of shopping is now typically riddled with guilt and self-doubt. I guess I’m just not sure how to balance that, even after all this time.

So obviously I’ll keep you posted on the new stuff I ordered, and I’m going to try my best not to stress about it or over-analyze it (hi, have we met). After all, I have to remind myself that the big picture goal here was never to stop shopping all together. It was to reduce my consumption. And honestly, I’m proud of how far I’ve come in that respect. You’re looking at someone who shopped nearly every single day for years and years. Bargain hunting was like a sport for me, and one that I was really freakin’ good at. So from here, I’m going to update my inventory and my spending tracker and continue the seemingly never-ending wrestling match in my brain of where to go.

They’re just clothes. Why can’t I just be chill about clothes?

outfit notes

Inspired today by my friends Andrea and Christina who both wore sporty sandals with their pretty dresses. I don’t think it works as well with this shorter, straight cut style, but it really doesn’t get much easier.

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allyship notes

I love this simple and straightforward set of slides. It shows common misconceptions when talking about race, and how to respond in a direct way. Sometimes I overload my brain with information (as if you haven’t noticed) and then I can’t keep my thoughts straight. But sometimes less is just more.

loves,
jaana