Yesterday was really, really hard.  My nephew’s funeral took place here in Missouri.  He packed the memorial hall.  Many, many kind words were spoken.  He brought all different types of people together through love. When I looked at him in the casket, I couldn’t believe how big he had gotten in the last 6 months.  He looked more like a man than a child.  But with how mature and smart he always was, my favorite memories of him were when he was caught just acting like a kid.

The service was very beautiful and very sad.  Tears were shed, and not just the kind of tears that you can wipe away with a sniffle.  But full-on weeping.  As they took his body away after the funeral, my brother, sister and I embraced and just sobbed.  It was one of the most difficult moments of our lives.  The children are simply not supposed to go first.

This is Luke’s obituary.  You should take a moment to read about what an incredible kid he was.  On the flip side, this obituary and all the wonderful things people had to say about him made this even harder for me to understand.  Because with all the amazing things he had going on, and the close relationship he had with his parents and his family… well, then why did he take his own life?  What happened? How could things be so bad?  There is lots I still don’t know, and many things I learned after this all took place.  And sadly, many things we will never have the answers to.  I had a good, long talk with my brother and there are so many feelings and emotions to process.  It’s going to be a long road for everyone, but especially he and his wife.  Oh the pain and heartache.  It’s simply devastating.  Made me feel weak, instead of the pillar of strength I was supposed to be.

The one thing I am so grateful for in all of this, is the support system my brother has.  Our family is spread out to different states, but my sister-in-law’s family is all pretty close by.  And they have opened their home and their hearts to anyone and everyone who wants to celebrate Luke’s life, or wants to talk, or just needs a hug or a drink.  After the services, we gathered at their home in Carthage, and we were just surrounded and overwhelmed by their generosity and encouragement.  They are feeling this loss.  Like feeling it with every fiber of their being because Luke was in their lives every day.  But they are holding up the others around them.  I completely understood for the first time why my brother has chosen to make a life here in this little ol’ town in Southern Missouri.  I get it.

We will miss Luke so much.  He has a piece of my heart and our lives will never be the same.  May his parents find comfort and learn how to navigate this new life with just the two of them.  May sweet Luke Nugent rest in peace.

Thank you for all the kind words and condolences.