Well, well, well. 36. You are here.

I don’t really know what to say. I mean, as I get older, there are so many mixed emotions about it. I think I talk about the contradictions and how weird it is every single year. Because it IS weird, man. Getting older is just plain weird.

This whole week my body has annoyingly been in pain. Sore ankles, weak back, tired as hell. And the only thing we can trace it back to is the oldness. I’m the strongest I’ve ever been physically, which is exciting. But I still ache. It’s just bound to happen.

It also scares me to get older, since recently I’ve had the very-tiny-itty-bitty-slightest-whispering-urges to expand our family. One more baby? Yikes! Just the thought of it – pregnancy and the exhaustion that goes along with a newborn – terrifies me. I can’t even believe I’m contemplating it. So much to consider.  I need more time! Scary scary scary.  Scary.  So scary.  And how many times I wrote “scary” just then.  Is that maybe a sign?

And we all know how I feel about wrinkles. New wrinkles all the time. Just no.

But on the upside, there are so many great things about it. Like… I can do whatever I want, for one! I am a grown ass woman. And I told myself that last night, as I put Stevie to bed early and had wine and chocolate while I watched Top Chef. Because I can! And I’m about to do it again right now.  Tomorrow morning, my only goal is to eat donuts. Lofty!

I’ve also become less concerned about other people’s opinions of me. I think as a people-pleaser, it will always be there a little bit. But I’m getting better about just doing me.

I’m more realistic with expectations in my relationships. I steer clear of drama. I can take things for face value and with a grain of salt at the same time. Surround myself with good people who want good things. To be frank, I have enough to worry about on a daily basis to invite negativity in.

Those things are very freeing. And make me realize how different 36 year old Jaana is from 26 year old Jaana. I also realize that 46 year old Jaana will probably think this post is hilarious.

I still struggle in many areas of life: My patience. My self-esteem. My occasional dramatic outbursts. Oh and my horrible eating habits, obviously.  But being ok with not being perfect is how I have found some inner peace. And what an exciting way to live. We’d all be so boring if we were perfect, wouldn’t you agree?

To see 35 pictures on my 35th birthday, click HERE.
To see 34 pictures on my 34th birthday, click HERE.
To see me at 33, click HERE.

That’s good for now.