I always start my shopping addiction segments with a simple disclaimer: THIS IS A JUDGEMENT FREE ZONE. I don’t judge you and you don’t judge me. It’s a safe place to talk freely about our struggles, and no rude comments, sustainability shaming, or general negativity will be tolerated. I will say things in this series that will surprise some people and won’t surprise others. I’ll say things that someone will relate to while another person will think is ridiculous. I talk about things I’m personally ashamed of, but this is not to pass that shame onto anyone else. My own experience is not your experience. This is my own personal practice and doesn’t reflect on anyone else here. OKAY? Cool.

A few months back on Instagram, I “confessed” that I had purchased a fast fashion jumpsuit. Not because I needed it, but because it was a day that I was feeling sorry for myself, plain and simple. I was pity shopping and it’s something I haven’t done in a really long time. It tapped directly into my old shopping addiction behaviors.

Listen. Emotional shopping used to be my cardio. And honestly, with the amount of shopping I did in years’ past, I should have been in much better shape. Haha! Shopping for any reason at all (especially if it was on sale) was like a love language to me and brought me such a satisfying, albeit temporary, rush.

I have always been this way on some level. As soon as I started working and making my own money, clothing became really important to me — to the point where I’d have $13 left in my bank account, which was just enough for a new top at the Gap Outlet.

When Stevie was a baby, I was at the peak of my shopping addiction. I talk a little about this on our podcast, but at that time, we lived in walking distance to the mall. So it was really easy to walk there a couple times a week with every intention of browsing, only to come home with some great deals! It was fun… until it wasn’t anymore.

Eventually, I started feeling really discouraged by my closet. Totally packed full of nothing to wear. It made me sick to my stomach thinking how much money I was spending on a weekly basis, and I just knew deep down I had to reel it all in. But no matter how much buyer’s remorse I had, it took me awhile to take any action. I was just stuck in a vicious cycle. And I didn’t know where else to turn or put my energy when I was feeling lonely or happy or bored or proud or insecure… any emotion would do!

Shopping Ban

I started big. A shopping fast. FOR A YEAR. Which, in hindsight, wasn’t a good way to correct my behavior. It just delayed it. I was allowed to spend $50 a month on accessories or shoes. But no clothing. When the year was done, I hadn’t been perfect but I was proud of the improvement I had made. As you could probably predict, within a couple months I was back to my shopping addiction. That’s how most extreme diets work, don’t they? Granted, it wasn’t the gobs of clothing on a weekly basis, but I still wasn’t feeling any satisfaction. No matter how much I had.

Capsule Wardrobe

My next attempt at gaining some control with my shopping addiction was a capsule wardrobe. I followed the Unfancy blog and her method and rules seemed to make a lot of sense for me. So I downsized drastically, donating several garbage bags full of perfectly new items, with the intent of starting over in a sense. I put together my seasonal capsule, and only bought things to “fill the gaps” in my closet. It went well for awhile. The first year actually felt pretty successful. But as the year came around, it was time to pull some items out of storage to use again. Aaaand… I had no interest in them anymore. So the buy/purge rotation continued.

Ethical Fashion

The biggest shift came when I watched The True Cost documentary and committed myself to buying clothes in a more responsible way. It slowed me down in a big way, but that’s mostly because ethical fashion is so freakin’ expensive. And you can’t just walk into many stores and find it.

It didn’t stop me from buying secondhand though. And inherently, there is nothing wrong with thrifting. It’s great for the environment, it’s great for the checkbook, and it’s kind of a fun challenge. But it doesn’t solve shopping addiction issues. It can be addicting in it’s own way.

Some Tips to Overcome Emotional Shopping

So what now? I’ve exhausted all my shopping resources, but still haven’t “cured” myself of shopping addiction. I can even remember very distinct moments where my emotions got the best of me, without even realizing it was happening.

For example, I had a photo shoot that didn’t go great. I was working with a new lens and new clients and just was feeling like I hadn’t done a good job. On the way home, in total auto pilot mode, I stopped at a shoe store and bought some sandals. Why had I done that?! I was feeling insecure, and without a second thought, sort of like I had been programmed, I just went shopping.

It was a very strange realization to have, that I was so dependent on this habit to feel better about myself. And that was the first step to addressing my self-proclaimed shopping addiction.

1. Identify your triggers. Does feeling sad make you want to shop? How about feeling happy? (#treatyoself) Does being on Instagram too long force you to click up? Does just walking into a mall get your senses tingling? Really look at your reasons. Why did you just buy that?
2. Avoid the triggers. One of my triggers was Target. I couldn’t avoid it completely because we do a lot of our regular shopping there. But I would gear myself up before even walking in, with my mind made up — don’t look at the clothes. I would repeat this to myself and avoid eye contact all together with the jumpsuits calling my name. It was several months of doing this before I noticed a shift. I overlooked it purposely, until a new habit formed. A habit NOT to look. I overcame the anxiety and FOMO with practice alone. That’s the way I overcame shopping the sale section too. There will always be a sale. I don’t need to get caught up in this one. Over and over, I just had to remind myself of this. So, if one of your habits is going to mall after work… don’t do it. At least for a little while. Of course, you can’t avoid feeling sad or happy. But if those feelings make you want to shop, you have to be mindful of that to break the habit of shopping in general.
3. Find other things to do. You’ll kind of need to fill the void of shopping when you’re first giving it up. I took up gardening because I still got to shop for plant babies, but it was rewarding in a different and more meaningful way. Got my hands dirty and cared for something. I also started sewing because I still got to shop for fabric, but the instant gratification was taken away. I had to work for my clothes. And it was so fun to learn a new and useful skill. I also enjoyed shopping my closet and playing dress up with what I already had. If you’re not sure what to do with your time, make a list of things you enjoy or things you want to try doing and pick one!
4. Have a plan and set a goal, but don’t use gimmicks. There’s no doubt that cutting up your credit cards, or using cash only, or going on a shopping diet will work for some people. But it never worked for me, because it didn’t get to the heart of the matter. My addiction went a little deeper than that, and just came back when I had access to cash or a new card. If you’re ready to get deep, then do it. Make a plan and set a goal for what you hope to achieve. And how you hope that achievement will make you feel. Work with a therapist if you need to. As someone who is very analytical, I worked on it by myself, but there’s nothing wrong with seeking help if it feels too overwhelming for you.
5. Know that this will take time and be okay with making mistakes. It’s going to happen. I’ve been shopping more mindfully for nearly 5 years, but I’m constantly reassessing and reevaluating how I feel. I struggle with days where I feel insanely unsatisfied with my clothes. Days where I still pity shop. And honestly, moments that feel like utter failure. But we can always pick ourselves up. Much like raising children, there will be mistakes and regrets. All you can do is wake up the next day with a resolve to do better.

#thefourshoppingrules

As I’ve been trying to help other people who have expressed interest in slowing down their consumption, I came up with The Four Shopping Rules as a quick reference guide of sorts. The idea is to use these rules in two different ways. First, as a tool to help you gain an understanding of your closet. Second, as a way to slow down while you’re actually shopping. I’m going to give a brief overview to show you how the rules work, and I will go on a deeper dive in future blog posts.

CLOSET CONTROL

1. IDENTIFY – first things first, we need to identify that there’s a problem and that we want to change. Come up with a plan.
2. INVENTORY – take note (whether mentally, hand-written, or digital) of all the clothing you own. Get to know your closet
3. IMPULSE – set a goal for yourself to control your impulses to buy/purge. Practice building your will-power.
4. INVEST – make a list of items that you want/need and start to fill the gaps in your wardrobe.

SHOPPING CONTROL

As you start shopping to fill gaps in your wardrobe, #thefourfingerrule starts all over again!

1. IDENTIFY – is the item you’re looking at a need or a want? Is it good quality and something you will actually wear?
2. INVENTORY – check your list! Do you have similar items or something that can be used in a similar way?
3. IMPULSE – are you seeing this item for the first time, or is it something you’ve been thinking about? Control the impulse.
4. INVEST – finally, once you’ve taken all these steps into consideration, drop that cash!

I sounds like so many steps and a lot of thinking, right? Maybe even over-thinking to some extent. But I truly believe if we approached shopping in this way more often than not, it would slow us down in the long run and we would be more satisfied with our purchases overall. We’ve got to start somewhere and learn new habits for ourselves. So why not start here?

I’d love to chat more about this and answer any questions you might have, so please don’t hesitate to reach out. And if you have other tips that have helped you or topic suggestions, leave them in the comments!

loves,
jaana