Sometimes I don’t post my frustrated thoughts. They collect dust in the “drafts” folder because I’m worried about sounding overly dramatic. But to keep it honest, I’m going to post anyway. I felt this way, and that’s ok. I know I’m not alone.
We have been keeping busy with lots of fun things. And it’s a great distraction for me to write about the apple picking and the family visits and my silly outfits. But once in awhile real life just hits you like a ton of feathers. {You know a ton of feathers weighs the same as a ton of bricks, right? Probably doesn’t hurt as much though.} I keep reminding myself that the therapy process is going to be a long one. It’s not going to be easy. Stevie needs lots of help and while there is some progress, it is slow. I have to take one day at a time.
I try to see the positive. He is taking steps! And he’s babbling more! And he’s playing a tiny bit longer! But unfortunately, there are things Stevie is doing that we don’t understand. It goes beyond the ordinary terrible 2’s (or 3’s or 4’s). He’s even stumping the professionals! It’s hard to see and even harder to know how to help him. Or understand why. I think know he is frustrated that he can’t communicate his wants or needs. And he can’t do anything for himself. His fine motor skills are only that of a 7 month old. The poor guy can’t even point yet! So there really is a lot he can’t do. The days with him are long. Trying to fill the time and find things he’ll actually be interested in. He hates everything. It’s an ongoing battle. I feel like we’ve tried it all.
Today he had 2 therapies and a pediatrician appointment. Everyone has different ideas of what we can do, but there is no clear answer and definitely no quick fix. I bawled to his doctor and I was terribly embarrassed. Of course, she was very understanding. She told me that every time we leave the office her staff talks about what amazing parents Paul and I are. I guess I don’t see it. I let those rough days in too easily perhaps. I see myself as a helpless, frustrated, tired old lady. At least today I do.
Tomorrow will be better. You know how it is. Get those tears out and clear the air. Then things start to settle again. Logically, I know he’ll get there and we’ll find new things to be frustrated over and new things to be grateful for. I know. But today I just needed to cry.
there are two things that i wish i could do after reading this: send you & your husband out on a date and cuddle your little guy!
my little brother was born with a heart defect (he’s 21 now) and seeing another family experience something similar to ours makes my heart go out to you. i never thought his defect had such an impact on me until i started reading about your little stevie and the tears just started a-flowin’!
your family is in my prayers – i pray for peace, happiness, and love! i am new to your blog and already love it so much. thank you for sharing your lives with us.
thank you for the sweet words! i’m always anxious to hear other people’s experiences. before this, we didn’t know anyone who’d be through anything like it. and we felt so alone. but thank goodness for people like you who will share stories of their own loved ones! we have a lot of hope for the future! <3
He is such a little turd!!! Hang in there sissy. Love you guys so much! Hopefully he’ll just catch on one day and get it all 🙂
WOW.
I hear you. Loud and clear. In fact, we all hear you. Cry. Write. Walk. Hug him. Hug Paul. Be thankful for the little things then know there’s tomorrow and it will be better. I have no suggestions, I have no words of wisdom. Just know that when the rough days come – there are BETTER days coming RIGHT QUICK. The smile he gives you. The water he spits at you. 🙂 The extra few steps he gives you. And then all is right with the world again. <3
Nothing can make a grown woman feel more inadequate than a 2 year old….and you are walking a rougher road than most.(but you are doing it with grace and fortitude and you seem to have a great partner to do it with you). Every mom has felt helpless, tired and old (did I mention tired?) Whether it’s your first child or your second and third (that came at the same time) or your 9th child.
Sometimes I think parenthood is more about the growth of the parent than it is about the growth of the child – in reality you are all growing and learning. And just like we get childbirth amnesia (you know, you’re in the process of HAVING the kid and you think no. way. am I EVER doing this again. Then you have that baby in your arms and you think yea, I’m doing this again. – Just like that we get terrible toddler amnesia. Once you get past the terrible two’s and the trying three’s they hit 4 or 5 you think wow, this kid is pretty terrific..