This past week, I muted my regular content to make room for other — frankly, more important — voices. I did not need to be on my platform taking up any more space. Being quiet and listening was the easy part. I used my time away to study, research, follow, share, donate, sign petitions, text friends, journal, and revisit ideas that had been put on the back burner.

I am well aware that I’m not an activist or an expert on any of these topics. And I don’t want to center myself or put on a show for y’all. “Look at me, look what I’m doing! I’m one of the good ones everybody!” In fact, if anything I fail and fail. But that’s what you do when you’re cracking yourself open in this way and challenging long-held beliefs, unconscious or otherwise. There will be some missteps.

So now? I’m sure some of you are ready to see things go “back to normal”… but to be perfectly honest, I’m having a hell of time thinking of anything more important to talk about! We are all at different places in our anti-racism work, and I’m no more woke than I was last week, save for a few history lessons. The only difference is the raw emotions currently still at the surface. It’s important to note that with the passing of time, the urgency will begin to fade. Our feelings of righteous anger, horror, and frustration will subside. That’s just the human condition. Our survival and mental health depends on moving forward and seeking distractions. The facts are that we need to be committed change and grow, for life.

I’m willing to have tough conversations. But with much thought and reflection, I have come to know that it is not my place to educate, nor do I have the mental capacity/stability for that. I will leave that to those who have chosen to do that work, experts in their field. (So grateful for them!) It is, however, my prerogative to be able to share tools and resources and leaders in this space that I’ve learned from in my own process.

So trust me when I say, I’m not done talking about this.

I’m not done doing the work.

I will continue to share, and it’ll be mixed in with the other things that bring me joy. Please don’t think that posting about my life means that I’m forgetting the lives of others. I’m acutely aware how shallow it can seem to talk about the best jean shorts given the circumstances. But when I learn something new — about Black history, other cultures, or myself — I will share with you to learn alongside me.

Today, as a first means, I’m starting at the very base level. A book for white people written by a white person: White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo. It’s such an important book because you will (or at least you should be able to) recognize yourself in the writing. It’s written from a place of understanding. But also with the intent of teaching people to do better, by breaking down this first barrier of acknowledging white privilege. I personally experienced a lot of resistance, shame, and aggravation while reading it, but it also led to some important critical thinking. There is an episode of the Goop podcast featuring Robin DiAngelo that is a sort of a truncated version of the book. If you haven’t read the book, it’s a great introduction. And if you have, it’s a good refresher.

Let me know if you’ve read it, or if you plan to!

Stay safe out there everyone.

loves,
jaana

The beautiful cover art on this post is painted on a building here in Burbank, by the very talented Alex Ali Gonzalez.