I am in desperate need of a dance party. My brother tells me I am exactly like the “smother” on the show The Goldbergs. Not sure why this makes me so incredibly happy. Just need the 80’s hair. Doing burpees and pushups as a grown up is probably one of the most embarrassing things I’ve…
The one time I wear sweat pants to the park, along with my I-don’t-give-a-crap attitude, I meet the cool, hip moms with great hair and makeup, whose kids get along awesome with Stevie. I really tried to like “Her”. I wanted to like it. Maybe it was Joaquin Phoenix and his creepy ‘stache. Or the…
I thought the best way to make my husband laugh was to dance around like an old lady. Turns out, all you have to do is to have really big teeth! I still have a mini Christmas tree on the counter. I feel bad throwing it out because it’s alive! What am I going to…
If my FitBit doesn’t count me chasing Stevie around the house to put on his glasses and sweater in the morning as my “very active minutes”, then it is definitely inaccurate. My heart rate is up there. Not from the running, but the aggravation. There’s a fair possibility I may overdose on gummi bears this…
I flipped off my scale this morning. I bet the best part of being a cop is actually not the donuts. It’s got to be when they are trying to stop traffic on the freeway and they get to drive zig-zag across all four lanes. It looks so fun and liberating! Coloring outside the lines…
The weather here in SoCal is so crazy. Almost 90 degrees one day, then raining the next. I usually fight it, just wishing for cold and Christmas-y, but I think I’m finally just accepting that this IS Christmas weather. No need to be surprised every single year. Mail merge and printing labels are pretty basic…
My husband is a foul-mouth guru. And the other day I called someone a “bird brain”. Together, we are unstoppable. As we arrive closer to the holiday, I have come to realize that I shant be decorating my home this season. (I wrote that in a Downton Abbey accent, so take a moment to read…
If I have to hear that Of Mice & Men song on the radio one more time… I swear. And while we are at it, why are we OK with the existence of Avicii?? Let’s work on our music standards. I’m lookin at you KROQ. Is there anything more disheartening than when you find out your favorite…
When I’m mentally preparing for a day at Disneyland, I have to put on my “game face”. Which is probably not what you think. It’s actually me trying to make an extra effort to be kind and courteous to the other people in the park. Because there are really some douche-bags there. I mean really.…
Dear roofers, sorry I was THAT lady who came out and yelled at you for being too noisy. I know you just had a job to do, but 4 days of interrupted naps made for a very cranky household. Someone had to be blamed! And it might as well be you. Best, Crazy Mom. Sometimes…