It surprises even me that I can post consistently to the blog for a solid 6 months, and then just… forget. I don’t forget for a week or two. I forget forever. It truly hasn’t even crossed my mind to log on! Today, I started editing photos from a recent trip hich reminded me that I do have a blog. I used to post photos to it all the time. In fact, we reference it here and there to remember dates and details of Stevie’s younger years. Or our travels pre-covid. It comes in very handy. And then of course I kick myself for not documenting as well over the past several years. How will I ever remember all the things we did?? Especially once my early on-set dementia kicks in. Of course I’m hoping that’s not a thing, but with my brain, it seems almost inevitable.

It’s kind of shocking how much less is on my plate now compared to the last several years — but how overwhelming it can still feel to get those few things done. Or maybe it’s just how my priorities have shifted. Like I’d rather stick to my routine than take a photography job. I’d rather watch a Christmas movie than go shopping. I’d rather make dinner than make time to blog. This is where you are certainly thinking “who is this person and what has she done with Jaana?” I hardly recognize myself too. But I’m also settling into this new grandmotherly version of me. Keep in mind, I’m only 42 and it’s all downhill from here kids. Haha!

I will say — with many years of experience under my belt — I do know this pattern of myself. During the end of summer and early fall, my energy and motivation is completely zapped by the weather. It’s so hot and uncomfortable, the SAD kicks in. I think this must be how other people feel during a long winter. So I usually let it carry over into winter solstice and embrace a cocoon lifestyle until after the holidays. Then I’m sure I’ll get some of my mojo back. It seems like 100 years ago that I was roller skating and Stevie and I were hiking a couple times a week. But it wasn’t even a year ago! I hope to pick up those things again when the atmospheric conditions and I are back on the same page.

As for goings-on around here… I think the biggest news was finding out Stevie has been having focal seizures (or at least we think he is). He had a visit to the ER after a particularly scary incident and has since started some new medication. I feel like we are on the right track now. But of course it’s never fun finding out there’s ONE MORE THING. He has handled it like a champ. Along with every other thing. Taking his meds twice a day with no complaints. He even got a blood draw in the same week as his 2nd Covid shot, without so much as a flinch. Could not be more proud of him and his resilience. I wish some of that would rub off on me! I’m doing much better with it all now (thank you Lexapro!) but I still get… tired.

In the wardrobe department, I have been working on finding clothes that fit! The slower pace of life, plus me learning to cook has been wonderful — and it shows. Normally, a few extra pounds (and by “a few” I mean 15-20) would have sent me into a tailspin of dieting lifestyle changes, or something to “level out” or “get back on track”. But turns out therapy, topped with anxiety medication takes away my anxiety around food and my body image as well. I can’t tell you what a blessing it all is. I have been working on body neutrality and acceptance for YEARS, but the mean thoughts always returned with a vengeance. Now I’m able to shift my old thinking and just move on with my day.

But it does mean some new clothes have been necessary. Of course I worry about triggering old shopaholic habits, and I have probably definitely bought more than I need. But I gave myself permission to experiment and find things that feel comfy and more in line with my current style. The good news is that I’m doing most of my shopping secondhand on Poshmark — and it has been a total lifesaver. Much easier for my brain to process buying stuff when I’m not buying new/fast fashion and I get to use the credits I have for minimal financial impact. It’s really a win-win. I know Poshmark isn’t a perfect solution, but it has been a treasure trove for my current sitch.

After an awesome Thanksgiving, where we surprised my mom with a visit, we came home and I started decorating for Christmas. I didn’t put up much, since we won’t be hosting any events, but it’s feeling nice and cozy in here. I’ve been making it a point to watch Christmas movies, pull out all my blankets and puzzles, and light my (fake) candles, so I feel the cocoon portion of the year I mentioned earlier is well underway. I was truly hoping we’d be doing some travel this holiday season, but there is something lovely about being home for holidays too, isn’t there? Yes, I know Stevie will drive me nuts during winter break, but hopefully I can come up with some simple things for us to do.

And to wrap things up, no blog post would be complete without some photos, so here we go! Pics from our Utah visit.

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Alrighty, thanks for checking in. Hope you’re staying sane this holiday season!

loves,
jaana