We got in late last night. Pretty sure I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Then today I woke up to an alarm and a list of things to do. Back to the old grind. Were we just in Missouri? Did we just attend a funeral for Luke? Were we really just there trying to comfort a grieving family? How did we just drive 22 hours each way?
Can’t time just stand still for one minute so I can get my bearings?
I guess that’s not the way it works. Life carries on. I feel like it’s trying to make me forget. In some ways, I suppose that’s a good thing. And I know time is the ultimate healer. But it feels too rushed. Like life is saying “Listen, you had a week to mourn and now you just do what you gotta do. Get with it.”
OK, Life. Have it your way. Back to the schedule.
My family is still on my mind whenever there is a quiet moment. It was hard to say those good-byes. Death and loss is such a confusing thing. Something that I’m not familiar with in the least. My feelings are so jumbled. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. Am I supposed to be taking it this hard? Am I supposed to just go on as a busy mom, like nothing happened? Am I supposed to smile more or cry more? It all seems to come in waves. And I sure feel awfully… small.
There will be happier times (and posts) ahead. Even looking at the photos from the week, there are lots of smiles and funny moments. Mika and Jessica reminded me that having a sense of humor, even in times this hard, is ok. Believe it or not, there were even bouts of the giggles during Luke’s funeral, as Stevie would shout “HI!” to each person approaching the podium to speak. And most people spoke of Luke so fondly. You couldn’t help but share the funny stories about him – there are so many. It feels good to laugh.
Must remember that today, as we get caught back up in life.
I know, I am feeling the same way, it seems like forever that your family was here. Its almost cruel to think that life just goes on. I was in Wal-mart and looked around and thought no one here even realizes what has happened. We are missing someone important in our family,I was all torn up inside and things are just like …..normal. Grief is a wave, you just have to ride it out and remember that Luke is at peace and his love and what he meant to each of us will always be present. I am going to be a little more kinder and gentle with people in his memory. Cherish the moments more with the people that I love. Luke’s spirit is in a place where he will continue to learn and progress and knowing that….. brings me peace. I will never forget him and I know I will see him again and he will have lots to tell all of us!
I’m thinking of you and your family today. Loss is so hard. I’m so, so sorry for all of you right now.