Let me tell you a little something about taking a 3-year old to the beach. Actually, I should clarify. Because I have seen plenty of Instagram photos and Facebook posts where 3-year olds are having an amahzing time at the beach.
So, correction: Let me tell you a little something about taking MY 3-year old to the beach. (and a few others I’m sure)
It is not for the faint of heart. I feel like maybe I should just give the play by play and then we can all see how we feel about that.
10:30 am: Pick up Stevie from preschool. As usual, he demands to go to the bop (park) and I say “Hey, why don’t we try going to the beach?” NO BEETH NO BEETH!!!! BOP!!! as he’s thrashing around in his car set. I quickly re-word my request. “Hey, why don’t we go swimming?” GIMMIG! HEEVIE GO GIMMIG!! “OK! Great! Let’s run home and get our swimming stuff and then we can go swimming!” NO HOME!!!! GIMMIG!!! NO HOME!!! More thrashing.
11 am: Make it home and swim stuff has been secured, with Stevie on my tail yelling GIMMIG!! the whole time. Tell him to knock it off or we do NOT go swimming. Falls on the floor crying.
11:05 am: Get downstairs to the car. Realize I forgot his glasses. Run us back upstairs. Get glasses. Child refuses to wear said glasses.
11:10 am: Everyone and everything is secure in the car. Realize I forgot his water cup. Too bad. He can live without it. I’ll buy water on the way.
11:12 am: Drive out of the garage. Stevie starts screaming for his water cup.
11:15 am: Use an old paper cup that was left in the car yesterday to give him warm bottled water. (Ew.) I do this while driving, mind you, utilizing stop lights and signs to the best of my ability. All while he screams AGUA!!! over and over. And crap, we need gas. Pull into the gas station, swipe the card and sit back in the car, looking up directions to the beach.
11:20 am: Is this thing done pumping yet? It’s taking forever. Oh, I forgot to push start in the first place. Dammit.
11:25 am: Finally gassed up, ready to go. But I think we are going to need an umbrella or something, right? It’s starting to come back to me that there’s not much shade at the beach. OK should be simple enough. KMart is right here.
11:35 am: Leave KMart empty-handed. Stevie is angry because I didn’t buy him a ceramic Mickey Mouse on a motorcycle.
11:55 pm: Leave Toys R Us empty handed. Summer stuff is sold out. Stevie is angry because I didn’t buy him a pool.
12:10 pm: Leave Big 5 with the most ridiculously GIANT overpriced umbrella you have ever seen. This thing is insane. Literally 9 feet wide. Sheer desperation. Buy Stevie chips too, so he will be happy.
12:15 pm: After figuring out a way to load this GIANT umbrella and crazy kid back in the car, we are finally on the road to the beach!
12:25 pm: Stevie wants more chips. “No! Chips are all gone! Just go to sleep or something!!”
12:35 pm: GIPS GIPS GIPS! GIMMING!! GIMMING!! CARS! CARS!! – for the next 30 minutes.
1:05 pm: Stevie finally falls asleep.
1:10 pm: Arrive at the beach.
GAH! #neverfails
1:15-1:25 pm: Figure out how the hell to pay for parking, while holding all our crap, try to keep Stevie from running wild through the parking lot.
1:30 pm: Please no one look at me while I attempt to put up this ridiculously GIANT umbrella…
1:35 pm: Ok, that wasn’t so bad. Finally settled into a great little spot. AND HOT!!! AND HOT!!! “Ok Stevie, if the sand is hot, don’t stand there! Stand on the blanket!” AND HOT!!! AAAAAH!!!!
Sigh. Is anyone else tired yet?
1:40 pm: Take our first dip! Water is great! Stevie is excited! He keeps telling me GIMMIG!!! GIMMIG!! “Yes, I know we are swimming. Thank you.”
1:45 pm: Stevie gets away from me and nearly drowns. JESUS LORD ALMIGHTY!! I pull a Baywatch maneuver and then both of us head back to the umbrella to recover from our heart attacks.
2 pm: We eat sandwiches as I gently try and persuade Stevie to go back in the water. NO GIMMIG!!! NO GIMMIG!!! WAAAAH! NO GIMMIG! BYE BEETH! HEEVIE GO HOME!!
2:10 pm: Force him to go back in the water, like any sweet, understanding & compassionate mother would do – certainly fearing that I’ll scar him for life. Listen, we did not come this far to turn back now!
2:15 – 3:20 pm: Can’t pull him out of the water because he is having so much fun!
3:30 pm: Successfully pack up our gear and we are on the road to home.
3:32 pm: Stevie screams for his water cup.
3:35 pm: Thank God. McDonald’s has water. And give me some frickin chicken nuggets too, while you’re at it. And a Diet Coke the size of my head, thanks.
3:45 – 5:15 pm: Sit in goddamn rush hour traffic. But Stevie’s asleep, so I don’t even care. Enjoy my chicken nuggets and Diet Coke in silence. Enjoy them immensely.
And THAT, my friends, is a beach day with Stevie. We beat our previous record for beach time, which was standing strong at TWENTY minutes. This time we stayed for about 2 hours – so that’s a huge improvement from last year! And the funny thing is – well maybe funny isn’t the right word – but the funny thing is, as exhausting and frustrating as today was, that whole hour that he was having fun was just. so. good. I might actually do it again sometime.
Lord help me.
Well, I do remember those days keeping my daughter entertained and the crazy beach days we had. I miss it! – tantrums and all. Your shots are wonderful, and, as always, I love hearing the story behind the scenes.
I’m coming to sit under the umbrella with you next time!!! And then we can both look ridiculous trying to do all the things. :):):)
Yes! We can be THOSE people (again)
Maybe he’ll remember 2:15-3:20 the most, and next time will be easier. As frustrating as it was to you, I couldn’t help but laugh at his orneriness at 11:00.
Jaana, you can sell this stuff for big money I am telling you….your writing makes me laugh and cry at the same time. I am at the BEETH with Stevie. Oh my. Love this little guy. Love you.
You are a great mom. And, in the future, you won’t remember all the struggles getting to the beach as much as you will remember 2:15 to 3:20.
I think you’re right. Mommy Brain tricks you into forgetting the madness! I guess Daddy Brain does too.. 😉