I wasn’t sure I was going to write about our trip to Sacramento.  It was emotionally so overwhelming for me!  I wasn’t expecting it at all.  I’d be bawling  over the loss of my aunt one minute, and cracking up with my cousins the next.  But I realize that is all part of life, the ebb and flow, and the navigation process we work through during times that are sad, but also celebratory.  And I know there were family members who couldn’t attend that might want to hear more about it.

The family gathered together on Friday morning, wearing cheerful colors instead of black.  Before the funeral we had a family prayer, and had the opportunity to share stories and say goodbye to Aunt Sheila. Many got up and shared the most lovely memories and thoughts about her.  A resounding sigh of relief that she wasn’t in pain anymore, but also how much she would be missed as an angel on earth.  Such a good lady.

I tried to talk.  I really did.  But when I saw her thin, frail body and touched her bony hand right before I spoke, I kinda lost it.  A lot of things hit me all at once and it sent me into a bit of shock I think.  I was just shaking like a leaf trying to get my words out.  I wish I could go back and remind myself to breathe (as I’m sure everyone else did).  But this is what I was trying to say:

“When I was trying to remember a funny story to share, I honestly couldn’t think of one specific moment.  But I have these vague childhood memories where Aunt Sheila was simply there.  And present.  Being together was everything to me as a kid.  Having our aunts, uncles and cousins around was a big deal.  That was the good stuff in life.  And in these memories, Aunt Sheila is always smiling and vibrant.  In a blue dress for some reason.  Sitting on Uncle Rex’s lap.  I will always remember her this way.  Even the last couple times that I saw her – through the pain and the sadness and realization that she may not live as long as she should, her sense of humor was in tact and she showed such grace and strength.

I am proud of the battle she fought and even though it doesn’t feel like a win right now, she was brave and always concerned about those around her.  She will always be remembered and spoken of in a positive light. So in that respect, she wins.  

I love her and miss her and my biggest hugs go to Mark, Roxy and Rex, who saw her through to the end and were brave right alongside her.”

I also wanted to share a little of what my mom said about her, because it reflected everyone else’s thoughts across the board:

“Sheila was also the best listener.  There was no judgement; only understanding, a tender hug, and reassurance that everything was going to be all right.  Sheila was approachable, and warm, and I knew she loved me even with all my shortcomings.  Even when she was feeling really sick, she would somehow muster enough energy to crack jokes and find joy in small things.  She loved beauty and small gifts of God.  She often commented on the flowers and birds and butterflies that she encountered on her patio when we  visited her and Rex in Sacramento.  The most recent visit to Mark and Roxy’s wedding has left me with a lasting memory of a strong, courageous woman who stood tall and proud of her most precious gift in life- her family.”

After the family members had a chance to give our condolences, we moved into the church where the funeral was held.  The beautiful eulogy was given by my uncle Pat.  Then aunt Diana, uncle Rex and cousin Mark spoke as well.  There were just so many beautiful things said, and one very important thing I took away from this was that my uncle’s nickname in his younger days was Sexy Rexy.  That alone was worth the trip!  But the love they shared was so beautiful and I enjoyed hearing about their days as a young couple.  It was sweet and heartbreaking all at once.

After the funeral, the family gathered for a luncheon and then went to where Aunt Sheila would be buried to have another prayer and blessing at the grave site.  Everyone was somber, yet smiling.  I was so glad that many of us were there, and felt the ones who could only be there in spirit.  It was actually sad that Aunt Sheila missed this.  We all knew that being there together would have made her so incredibly happy.  She lived for this stuff.

I think she knew.  And I think she felt it.  There’s no way all that love can just disappear into space.  She soaked it up for sure.