First order of business is a heart update! On Monday, Stevie had a cardiology appointment. His heart history is kind of a lot. There are plenty of posts dedicated to it: like this one, this one, and this one. It was such a major part of our lives his first few years. For now, we have a recurring date with his cardiologist every 6 months to monitor when he will be ready for another open heart surgery. His pulmonary valve — put in when he was just 10-months old — isn’t in great shape. But it is stable and since his last appointment, it hasn’t gotten worse. From a technical standpoint, someone can live with a certain level of heart failure for some time. As long as he is not having symptoms, he’ll be okay. Now we wait. Let him grow to get big and strong for the next (hopefully last) surgery.

Since everything in life is somewhat paused for the time being, adding this to the waiting list feels fine. I think I’m having enough anxiety and insecurity as it is, a major surgery might send me over the edge. The symptoms of MY heart failure (in the figurative sense) really come to the surface. I’m still very much learning to live in this place of letting multiple truths exist. I can be #blessed and stressed at the same time. I can be frustrated and grateful, hopeful and exhausted, broken and joyful. Though joy admittedly seems a bit of stretch some days. Regardless, all of it is valid and none of it cancels out the other. It only proves our humanity. And aren’t we lucky to be capable of feeling so much? Well, maybe lucky isn’t the right word. Hahaha! But naturally, it is all deeply intertwined.

Remembering

How could it be just a year ago that I was in Portland with my best gals — walking the rainy city, eating yummy food, watching house tours on YouTube, and lounging with the best of them? I remember us talking about how weird all the Coronavirus stuff was at the time. Like many of you, we never imagined we’d be flipped upside down and inside out just a few weeks later! We also unfortunately had to reschedule or summer trip together, but even though life certainly took a turn I am so glad we squeezed in some fun beforehand. It feels like it’s been 100 years!

Going

I was very excited to recently discover that I could save all the locations that Stevie and I have been visiting to a guide on iPhone Maps. Some of the spots require a little more detail, so I’ll continue to recap here. But maybe this will help any locals looking for safe activities, or spark some ideas of your own! In the last month, we’ve only scratched the surface, believe me. Many more places to get to (when the energy and stars align, of course).

This week I wanted to share about Vasquez Rocks. I found out about it from another guide and decided to go while the weather was mild. Now, I will preface this by saying the rocks themselves are very cool — but slightly underwhelming, especially if you’ve ever been anywhere like Southern Utah. However! I still very much enjoyed this park. It was pretty. Plus the ease of access to the location allowed us the option of walking the many trails or climbing smaller rocks. Stevie really had fun climbing around and his clumsiness only scared me once. We didn’t climb the big, main rocks because his shoes kept falling off (LOL, OMG we are a walking circus). But we spent a good amount of time just walking around and feeling like explorers.

There were not many people when we went, since it was a weekday after school. We ran into a bit of traffic getting past Santa Clarita, but otherwise everything was easy from parking to social distancing. We stayed until the sun started to set and it was just about as pretty as could be. Fergus loved it too.

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Watching

Beside the impeachment trial (blech) I watched a real show! Last weekend, Stevie spent some time at grandma’s house, so instead of following the productive part of my brain, I gleefully took the lazy route and binge watched Firefly Lane on Netflix. I watched the first couple episodes half-heartedly, but quickly found myself getting attached. And I (surprisingly) loved it. I found myself laughing, crying and yelling at the TV. From the opposites attract BFF’s to the slow burn romance to the little surprises throughout, it was enjoyable. And then, given the nature of a lovey-dovey valentine kinda weekend, yesterday I watched To All the Boys: Forever and Always. Yes I’ve already seen the first one and they are just the type of movies that make you nostalgic for young love. Now back to my regularly schedule programming of detective shows and murder docs.

Wearing

When you’re a 42-year old stay at home mom, there are very few things in life that can make you feel cool. But I have to say these boots get me pretty dang close. They surprise me over and over again, and seem to elevate every outfit (literally and figuratively). I got them in December, after being influenced by my friend Andrea for like a year, and I’m already halfway to #30wears. The platform adds some edge and just takes outfits in a different direction. I feel large and in charge strutting down the street in these things! And since it’s a newer style than my regular old Dr. Marten boots, they feels less 90’s costume and more modern nod to the current combat boot/platforms trend.

SIZING NOTE: These run a full size too big. I’m normally a size 9.5, but Dr. Martens don’t have 1/2 sizes. So I went down to the 9 and they’re still too big! I didn’t think sizing down again to an 8 would work, but I probably should’ve tried. Instead, I bought an insole to fill in some of the space and that helped them fit better. But I still have to wear a thick sock as well to keep my foot from sliding around. Other than that, they are very comfortable and didn’t require any break-in time. I can wear them traipsing around town for hours!

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Planning

Well, I did it. I booked us a cute little AirBnB in sunny Palm Springs! LaQuinta to be exact, but the desert nonetheless. I figured we could use a break from the same 4 walls and isolate somewhere with a pool for a few days. I really wanted to go for my birthday weekend, but we had a cold spell blow into SoCal. (It even snowed in Malibu!) I knew it wouldn’t be any fun if Stevie weren’t able to swim, so we pushed it to early Spring. Now I know it’ll either be gloriously warm or complete torrential downpours. There is no in between for that time of year. Wish us luck!

Shopping Addiction Tip

One of the hardest parts of shopping addiction recovery for me is — and probably always will be — impulse control. Shopping lights a happy spark in my brain. A temporary spark, but a happy one for sure. And why would you want to stop doing something that makes you feel happy? Well, that will be your first big question — why. Why do you want to slow down your shopping? Only you can answer that. Saving money is nice. Being less wasteful is a perk. But personally, I knew deep down that it was something more. I was trying to make up for my insecurities by filling my life with stuff. It took a long time to identify that, but once I did, it didn’t make quitting any easier. I had to physically practice slowing down.

My first step was to conquer my Target runs. I wanted to be able to go there without mindlessly spending $300 on random things. So I made a very intentional choice. I would sit in my car for a minute or so before going in, and psych myself up. “Don’t look at the clothes, don’t look at the clothes, don’t look at the clothes.” When I walked inside, I took a deep breath and put my blinders on to walk right past the clothes. I had to do this routine for about 3 months, until one day I realized I hadn’t even thought about looking at the clothes! I made a new habit for myself.

Impulse control is a muscle that you have to work out constantly. It’s not fun and it’s not glamorous but it’s vital to gain any sense of control over your shopping addiction. I will cover more tools for impulse control over the next few weeks.

Lounging

I took the entire week off from working out. Can’t say I’m looking forward to going back either TBH. But I haven’t done that in ages! I just wasn’t feeling up to any of my normal routines. I not only welcomed, but reveled in the extra rest for my body. In addition, that also meant plenty of mornings started off lounge-y. And nothing felt better than a quick shower and change from night pajamas to day pajamas. My cozy sweats were just the ticket to a little self-care moment. I was slightly hesitant about this set because the reviews consistently warned that the pants pilled easily. And they did pill, that was no lie. But now that I have my handy dandy fabric shaver, the pills came right off and they are good as new! Totally worth it.

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As always, I so appreciate you being here. Have a lovely week!

loves,
jaana