Mom life right now is…
sharing a bed with too many large creatures. Stevie always comes to our bed around 1am and Fergus is catching on too. They are either getting sneakier, or Paul and I are so tired that we don’t even notice.

Mom life right now is…
two short workouts a day — one after dropping Stevie at school in the morning, and one after he goes to bed at night. I’d gotten a little careless with my eating (I guess!) plus I had a birthday.  Gained 10 pounds in record time, so I’m working really hard to get back on track. I hate it as much as ever.

Mom life right now is…
anticipating Stevie’s first neurological evaluation this summer. Hoping for some new perspectives and guidance, but also knowing that I can’t put all my eggs in this one basket.

Mom life right now is…
coffee. I go to bed each night already looking forward to my coffee in the morning.

Mom life right now is…
cheering Stevie on in swim class, as he swims (flails?) from one end of the pool to the other. He is working so hard and it makes me tear up to watch him!

Mom life right now is…
getting used to not being so busy all the time. Last year was so overwhelming, that I had to scale back in certain areas.  Things that I wanted to do, but didn’t have to do (yeah, writing) just fell off the list all together. I gave in to the fact that I just couldn’t do it all. And I keep telling myself I’m ok with that. Am I actually ok with it? I don’t know. Just roll with it.

Mom life right now is…
simultaneously surprising and mundane. Stevie has obviously never been one to bore us, but some of the things he says and does lately catch me off guard. They’re new. And they’re mixed in with the same old questions and demands of every other day. I LIVE for those new little surprises.  Like a “thumbs up” outta nowhere!

Mom life right now is…
still a lot of daydreaming about grown-up vacations.

Mom life right now is…
knowing that Stevie won’t go into school without a hug and a kiss.  The kisses are still sloppy and I always want the hugs to be tighter, but even if he forgets in all the excitement of drop-off, he will run back and deliver.

Mom life right now is…
still hard. I wish instead of saying “it gets easier”, people would tell you “it gets different”. Because we overcome one challenge to be met by another. Behavioral therapy is helping, but it’s a long and slow process with lots of charts and data keeping and SO MANY RULES. I still struggle finding the happy medium between being Stevie’s mom and being his therapist. I just don’t know what that’s supposed to look like.

Mom life right now is…
being attached at the hip to a little boy who still needs me for so much. Besides being there to help him with life tasks, he has pretty bad separation anxiety overall and will hardly do anything alone. This includes, but is not limited to, playing Hot Wheels, watching ridiculous YouTube videos, using the toilet, eating, riding his bikes, falling asleep… aaaand that’s pretty much what we do after school on a typical day. Some days I hate it. A lot of days I do. He leaves my introvert meter all the way on empty. But other days — the days where he’s in a good mood and says things like “will you sit right next to me mom, because I love you?” — come on. I have to.  And I love it.

Mom life right now is…
photos requests.  Stevie wants a picture of him and Fergus on the way to school every morning.

Mom life right now is…
making time for the marriage. After our family trip to Seattle and how much freakin’ work Stevie was, I realized Paul and I had barely had a real conversation the whole trip. I missed him and we were right next to each other!  So,Wednesday nights we have a standing in-home date night after Stevie goes to bed. Instead of the usual TV watching or catching up with work, we sit next to each other and talk. About whatever. Sometimes it leads to arguing because we don’t even have time to do that properly, but overall I know we will be glad we did this. Especially when Stevie doesn’t need us as much. We won’t wind up being strangers down the road.

Mom life right now is…
laughing as Stevie “walks” the dog.  (Which could also be viewed as him being dragged down the sidewalk.)

Mom life right now is…
skinned knees and fat lips and bruises everywhere.  #boylife

Mom life right now is…
less forcing, and more allowing. Instead of forcing Stevie to stay busy, I’ve been allowing Stevie to do more of what makes him happy.  Sometimes this means instead of going to a museum, he pushes a stroller around the backyard. Sometimes it means playing really repetitive games instead of forcing him to always try something new.  Sometimes it means letting him take transitional steps like turning on the bath water himself, instead of dragging him to the shower. Sometimes it’s just reading his mood. For instance, we went to Disneyland a couple days ago. Instead of forcing it on a particular day, I kept it in the back of my mind for weeks and just waited for the right time when all the stars aligned — no traffic, good weather, good day at school — and went for it. I also didn’t force him to stay more than a couple hours. We left on a happy note instead of after he’d had too much. There are days when I feel that I’ve given up because I’m not pushing him. I’m too tired for the fight. But I also think he learns in his own time. When he’s ready, he’s ready. And the stress of making things happen has definitely taken a toll on us all.

Mom life right now is…
being amazed at the boy and his appetite.  He will eat so many things I never dreamed a 6 year old would, and it’s so fun.  I already know when he’s a teenager, he will quite literally eat us out of house and home, but at least we can share our love of food.

Mom life right now is…
a continuous journey to find balance.

Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the beautiful baby mamas out there.  And the mama mamas.  And the mamas in waiting.  And the mamas in grieving.  And the wonderful aunts and cousins and supportive lady friends.  Therapists, teachers, hard workers.  It takes a village and you all deserve the recognition.

Loves,
jaana

P.S. Sunday is the last day for my Mother’s Day natural deodorant giveaway, so go get yoself some.  You don’t have to be a mom, you just have to like smelling good.