After I published my mama bear moment, I got a lot of supportive comments and congratulations for standing up for Stevie.  It was so appreciated. You guys are the best.

I also got a handful of emails from people asking how to avoid a situation like that all together. How do we teach our child to act around someone who is different?  How do we NOT turn into that horrible mother who was so unkind? What is an appropriate response if you catch your kid teasing?  How do we make sure nothing like this ever happens?

If you’ve asked these questions, you probably have nothing to worry about, because you’re sensitive to the topic.  I will just tell you in my experience what has worked when I have dealt with other kids and their parents.

• In an ideal world, we don’t need any “how to” articles.  Would I rather not write this article and just have people treat Stevie like a little boy who loves trucks and cheeseburgers and hates to sleep?  Of course.  I just want people to look at him like a “normal kid”.  And some people do. But some don’t.  So this article is for those people who just aren’t sure how to interact.  But keep in mind, the number one tip overall if you really want to socialize with special needs kids, is to treat them as you would any other child!
• Try to lead with a compliment.  If you want to introduce yourself, or have questions for a parent, a great way to break the ice is to offer a simple compliment.  What cute glasses he has! Look at that great pink wheelchair!  What beautiful curls!  It doesn’t have to be anything major.  But a compliment for a special needs parent goes a long way.  You know, when Stevie wore a helmet for a couple months, not one single person out in public told me he was cute.  He mostly got stared at.  And it bothered me, because aren’t all babies cute in their own way??  Now whenever I see a Doc-Band baby, I always make sure to mention how adorable they are.  Trust me, you will make someone’s day.
• Ask questions.  I might not be speaking for all parents when I say to ask questions.  But I love it!  I would rather explain Stevie’s disabilities to someone than have them stare or make up things in their own mind as to why he might be the way he is.
• Make sure they are appropriate questions.  If you do decide to ask about a child’s disabilities, please don’t ever say “What’s wrong with him?” or the incredibly popular “Why is he like that?”  It’s so offensive! A more gentle approach will get you a lot further.  Find out his name.  And maybe ask specifics like “How did you know he needed glasses?”  Or maybe “Does she go to school?”  “How long has he been wearing leg braces?”  You will open the door to all sorts of war stories and information that way!
• Don’t generalize or assume. Special needs kids are all different. Don’t assume because you know one child with a medical condition that they are all the same.  I’ve had people come up and just flat-out say “Down’s Syndrome?” Or ask me where Stevie is on the autism spectrum.  I will explain that he does not have a specific diagnosis, just global delays.  But it can be a bit disheartening when he gets lumped into these categories, because he is unique!  With a typical child, I wouldn’t walk up and say “Mexican?” just because a child has brown hair.  Treat them like the individual they are.
• Be genuine.  If you are going to all the trouble of getting to know a child with special needs and their parents, please be sincere.  If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.  Don’t pretend like you are interested just for the sake of being nice.
• When a child has questions, encourage them to speak up.  I absolutely adore when I see kids whispering to their parents, and the parents send the children over to ask about Stevie.  Sometimes they might not understand the answers completely, but the more they ask, the more they will start to get it.  It takes a little courage on their part, but sometimes I’ll teach them a sign or two, or have Stevie try and say a couple words to them.  It’s the best feeling in the world when other kids want to get to know him and try to communicate with him.  And I always tell those parents they are doing something right.
• Give your kids time to warm up.  Sometimes seeing a child who looks different can be a bit off-putting or shocking to kids (hell, most adults too).  Children are curious and maybe even a little scared, not used to being around kids with disabilities.  If they are nervous to ask questions, walk over with them.  Show them that there is nothing to be scared of.  Please don’t force them to say hi or hug each other.  It can be very awkward for all parties involved.  It will get easier for all the kids the more they interact with each other.
• Lead by example.  I hope this goes without saying, but your kids see everything you do and the way you treat others.  If you make fun of someone who’s mentally handicapped… you can almost guarantee your child is off doing that as well.  I understand it slips out of us all from time to time. But when it comes to someone who clearly has a disability, please be a little extra kind. Tread a little lighter.  Again, show your kids how to treat people.
• Get involved!  Many of us are distracted by our cell phones at the playground (me included.) But put it down every now and then and take a look at what’s going on around you.  If you see your kids teasing ANYONE please ask them to stop.  Don’t wait until the 3rd or 4th occurrence.  Just nip it in the bud. Redirect.  Kids will be kids, and sometimes those ring-leaders can be very influential.  But there are plenty of ways to play without being mean to each other.  And they shouldn’t have to be told WHY not to tease, they just shouldn’t tease. Period.
• Give parents the benefit of the doubt. It wasn’t my proudest moment yelling at that mom in public.  I am a moms-should-never-judge-other-moms advocate. We are trying to make it through the day.  We are all tired and just doing our best.  In turn, if you do see a mom like me encouraging others to be kind, it goes a LONG way to do the same. See if there’s something you can do to help. I really don’t like “tattling”, so sometimes it’s just easier to remind the kids to play nice.  Some parents are very sensitive to someone telling their kid what to do, but keep in mind – it takes a village, people!  If I somehow missed Stevie being a d-bag, I sure hope somebody would say something!  That’s our job.  To be parents.  It’s not always fun, but it’s part of the gig.
• When behavioral problems get in the way.  It’s no secret that Stevie and other special needs children sometimes have a hard time controlling their behavior.  So many things are difficult for them. Communication is a big, big challenge.  Every little thing they do requires more effort than the average child. So sometimes a tantrum or screaming fit simply can’t be avoided. If you see a meltdown in progress, don’t give dirty looks.  Don’t stare.  If you want to offer help, that’s fine, but please don’t be offended when we don’t take it.  It’s one of those times we don’t want any added attention.  I don’t anyway!  My stubborn side says I can handle it on my own.
• A little compassion goes a long way.  And I think this applies to every single person and child on the earth!  Not just special needs kids.  If we are all just nicer in general, it will come more naturally to be nicer to those who are different from us.  And there’s your humanitarian message for the day.
• Treat us like human beings.  And that’s the bottom line.  Just be a good, sensible, thoughtful person who smiles every now and then – everything will turn out just fine.