Every year. It’s inevitable. I know it’s going to happen. But every year, I feel the same way. Once the holidays are over and I see Christmas trees kicked to the curb and the city lights coming down, I need to take a moment and just be blue. The whole town just feels… different.
Then January 7th, 2011 happened and it added even more blues to the post-holiday slump.
It was the day Stevie had his first open heart surgery. (You can read more about it by following the link) In a lot of ways, we celebrate this day, so grateful that the doctors caught his condition. If his 2-week pediatric checkup and been one day later, he would not be with us right now. I get emotional thinking about that. It threw a giant wrench into everything we thought parenthood would be, and we still feel the effects of that day. Every day. So, yes, I do let the melancholy feeling creep in. I kind of mourn for that time. And I mourn for the days I lost with my tiny newborn baby. There were things I felt that I never ever ever EVER want to feel again. Pain that I don’t like to revisit. But sometimes you have to remember. It reminds you how strong you are. How brave your littles are. How resilient of a team the family unit can be.
Time heals the wounds. But there will always be a part of my heart missing because a part of his is.
Wow, first, I am incredibly sorry for your little Stevie. What a miracle that we have medicine now that can help heal these things. My thoughts are with you and your family and hope that you can continue to feel strength and love.
Secondly, the no-shopping challenge. So glad you are taking it on! You won’t regret it (well, there may be a couple times you’ll regret it… just don’t walk into any of your favorite stores, live ever). By the end, you’ll want for (almost) nothing. I’ll be checking in on you!
XO,
Catherine
FEST
Ah, Jaaners, my heart feels for you at this time. It makes me think of one of my dad’s favorite sayings, “Life’s a bitch.” Ha! You have every right to have some down time and I’m so glad you’re able to blog about it and let go a little. You are an amazingly strong person, there’s no one on earth like you and I’m lucky to be your friend. Stevie is lucky to be your son! You’re gonna bounce back quick like you always do. 🙂 Hang in there. Call me too! Love you!