I know this blog is on the verge of being a real downer. But I need advice. Again. When God was passing out the motherly instinct gene, I must have given Him the finger. And now he’s getting back at me.
Everyone knows Stephen has had his rough patches as far as sleep goes. And everyone knows when I say “patches”, I mean he didn’t sleep through the night at all in his first year of life. So we did the impossible and sleep trained him using tactics loosely based on the Ferber Method. We let him cry, but not for more than a few minutes at a time. And it worked for the most part. He would still wake up once or twice a week, but we were OK with that. He was relatively easy to put back down and we actually got to a point where we were getting a decent amount of rest and feeling human again.
Well, in the last little while all that has changed. Not sure why, but I have read that toddlers will go through different sleep patterns and sometimes have these spurts where they have a hard time sleeping again. This spurt happens to be a huge pain in the butt. Stevie is fighting us at bedtime, with tears, screaming, vomiting, the works! So he hasn’t been falling asleep until around 10pm. And bedtime has become a real source of stress, which I hate. I hate it for him and I hate it for me. I don’t want bedtime to be traumatizing for anyone! So there’s that.
But here’s the kicker.
He is up at 4am. And I mean up. Like done sleeping. Like eff you Mom & Dad, this day is starting NOW.
Needless to say, that doesn’t work for us. And 6 hours of sleep for a baby? Not working for him either. We’ve tried everything to get him back to sleep! For the first 5 days, we refused to pick him up. We would stand by the bed and comfort him, but wanted him to try and get himself back so sleep. But when that wasn’t working, we started feeling desperate. So we tried some additional things like rocking him, patting his back, belly, butt, etc. playing with his hair, giving him milk and/or food, playing music/white noise, and of course letting him cry. He gets into such hysterics I honestly think the neighbors are going to report us to Social Services. We’ve also tried putting him to bed earlier, putting him to bed later, cutting out his naps, letting him sleep as much as he wants. Our schedule is completely non-existent now.
So we are kind of at a loss.
I would love to know why this is happening so we could get to the root of the problem, but he’s keeping that one a secret. So I guess I’m looking for any tips from parents of bad sleepers on A) how to get your kid to sleep at night B) How to get them to stay asleep at night C) How you had the patience to go night after night with no sleep and still be a kind, loving person the next day or D) All of the above.
I have heard that some parents are just cursed with babies that don’t like to sleep. I’m still in denial that I’m one of those parents. There has to be something we can do to get him to enjoy sleep as much as we do! Help me!
My son, Riley, barely slept until about the age of 5. We could barely ad 2 + 2 and driving became dangerous. The lack of sleep seemed to have a variety of contributing factors: brain damage that changed the chemical production, muscle pain and spasms, seizure’s, sensory issues, he cannot change position, digestive issues, etc. I know Stephen is very different but maybe something in our regimen will help…. if we wake for anything we change his position, we now have an alternative air pressure pad, he is prescribed Clonidine, add in Melatonin, we also used a high grade of L-Tryptophan through a compound pharmacy, evening massages – every night, diet changes removing dairy and gluten. We also started seeing alternative medicine alongside our regular MDs who could view him as a whole person. This is just a sampling of the changes we made. Disconnect your phone, turn down all lights, play soothing music – make your whole house sleep friendly… I understand all too well the toll this takes and the entire family and I’m so sorry. I really hope this helps. I’d be happy to talk about it more even if you just need to vent.
I wish I had an answer for you… Sarah has been, over-all, a great sleeper. (And I honestly don’t know why– I really so think they just come that way sometimes.) Jake, not so much. Stevie is too young to bribe, right? We have gone through these awful stages in our new house where Jake will not stay in bed. Our latest tactic (that, so far, works!) is bribery with toys he is enamored with. If he doesn’t stay in bed all night he doesn’t get one. Then, eventually, he stays in bed just for the praise. It worked for him. But for Stevie??? I don’t know. Jake would have night terrors sometimes when he was little, but once he calmed down, he was good to get back to sleep. I wish there was an answer that was easy. I do believe in teaching kids to self-soothe, but it’s so hard when they just won’t and when you share walls with neighbors. Been there. It can suck in the middle of the night. As for bedtime– do you have routines? Bath? Stories? Songs? Snacks? My kids (especially Jake) love routines. *sigh* good luck, friend.
First, could he be teething? That always keeps my kids up. Second, does he wake up screaming in the middle of the night? Does he have night terrors ever? And does he seem super tired even when he does seem to get some sleep at night? Could be signs of sleep apnea. You can check on him when he does get to sleep about 3 hours into his sleeping and check to see if he holds his breath and then gasps kind of. If there are any points where he holds his breath for more than 3 to 5 seconds it could be sleep apnea and you can talk to your doctor about it. The best is to just keep trying to get him back on a schedule. Nap times during the day the same no matter what and bed time the same no matter what. Even if he struggled the night before. No sleep is THE WORST! I’m so sorry. Hang in there. My kids didn’t start sleeping through the night until about 18 months to 2 years. Like you said, getting up a couple times at night was not bad and especially if they went back to sleep rather easily. Getting them to go to sleep initially is the hardest and more hair gets pulled out of your head than you’ll ever care to admit. At 2 my little girl still has a hard time going to bed, but just try to be consistent. I think you are doing the right things.