So let’s talk about breastfeeding. One of my least favorite topics – probably because I never quite mastered it.
When I brought bitty home from the hospital, he definitely struggled with breastfeeding right away. My pediatrician knew he wasn’t getting enough food, so she asked me to supplement with formula. I did that one time. I cried and cried as I gave it to him. This was not in my plans.
At 10 days old, I went to a Lactation Support Group. The specialist explained to me that the breastfeeding was difficult because A) he was a hand-sucker in the womb and B) he had a high pallet, which made him feel like he was choking when he’d eat. (It was also a side effect of his heart condition, but obviously we didn’t know that until after the fact.) So she gave me some tips on massaging his gums and on different ways to hold him to make him the most comfortable. It helped a little, but I scheduled a one-on-one consultation with her to get really good at it.
The day of my one-on-one appointment, we wound up in the hospital.
After surgery, he had to take a bottle. Obviously he got very accustomed to that. It was all my milk that they were storing for me, but we didn’t really have a choice as his little body healed. Once he was finally off all the wires and tubes, we tried breastfeeding and he seemed to pick it up right away. Oh my gosh! So exciting. But as the days went on, he got less and less interested in it and I ended up giving expressed milk all the time. I would offer the boob and he would typically reject it. And by reject it, I mean he would scratch and punch and get himself all worked into a tizzy until he could barely breathe, he was so mad.
So back to the Lactation Support Group. She helped me again and even suggested bottles that were more similar to breastfeeding. So I got those and I really tried every day to get him to nurse. We actually saw some improvement and he once ate for 15 whole minutes. He would still need a bottle afterward, but he did the initial work and it made me very hopeful. However, once again, as the days went on, he just became disinterested.
I continue to pump, but as he has grown, I have had a hard time keeping up. Yesterday I gave him formula for the second time because I just didn’t have enough milk. It made me so sad!! I don’t think mothers who give their kids formula are bad or wrong in any way, but I had my plan and this was not it! It also doesn’t help that for some reason, all the milk I was storing in the freezer went sour.
So now, almost 3 months into it, I am on my last attempt. I bought Mother’s Milk Tea and Fenugreek Herbs which are both supposed to help with milk production and I will continue to give him the natural stuff as long as I possibly can. But I won’t lie, the pumping is getting tiring and so is the fight. So please send your happy thoughts my way as this nursing thing (or lack thereof) is on its last leg.
In my Mother-in-law’s words…”Breast feeding is a labor of love.”
My dear, you have mastered that!!! Jaana, don’t be hard on yourself. You gave it your ALL…and then a lot more! A TON MORE!
Do what would be best for you and Stevie. You and only you know what that is!
If it were me, I would go ahead and stop, simply for my own sanity.
I have nursed all my baby’s for 10-13 months each. And trust me, a good nurser has it’s bad days! TRUST ME!
I love you and you are an AWESOME Mother…no matter what!
BOOBS!
I probably would have given up by now…. 3 months?! you gave it a good go sissy. if this last attempt doesn’t work, no guilt in throwing in the towel, you fought just as hard as he does! love you sissy 🙂 (and why the heck is he already almost 3 months old? not cool)…
This is a ditto to what Alicia said. She is right on! Guilt kills the joy so no need to go there. I love you and your little family. Keep you chin up.
Hugs,
MOM
Boobs.
Okay. I am a big fan of breast-feeding, but I will tell you what I told my sister when she was having issues. It’s NOT for everyone. Breast-feeding is really stressful and you have to do what’s best for you AND your baby. No guilt. We moms deal with enough guilt as it is.