First of all, why do I have so many jobs? I’ve never been able to figure this out. WTF am I doing? What will I be when I grow up? I’ve brought them all on myself and don’t have a singular passion for any of them.

I have this fantasy that one day I will pick JUST ONE career path to focus on and get really good and successful at that particular thing. But letting go of the others has felt impossible. I’ve built them from scratch, so to speak, and they’ve connected me with wonderful people. Which makes it hard to leave anything behind.

They all keep me busy in various ways and at various times of year, yet none of them seem… necessary. And sometimes all of my made-up jobs on top of raising a Stevie feels like such a dumb idea.

At the very least, they do give me the sense that I’m contributing to the household. I’m a great mom, and I work really hard with Stevie. But let’s face it, I’ve never been a good housewife. So my contribution feels lacking by my own ridiculous standards. Yeah, I’ll occasionally do the dishes and microwave a quick dinner — and I’m a BOSS at getting laundry done — but I still feel this desire to do more from a financial aspect. Or at the very least, spend my OWN money on frivolous things like clothes and Beatrice Valenzuela Sandalias.

And trust me, it’s not lost on me how lucky I am to have support and options. Some people would kill to be able to work for themselves, so please don’t mistake this post for anything other than my experience, trying to figure it all out — thinking about where I’ll land, out loud on a public forum. Hey I’m nothing if not an over-sharer.

photography

I stopped working a “regular” job in 2008, and it was so exciting! Paul had started a side business and I helped with that, day in and day out. In the evenings and slower periods, I took the time to learn photography, which had always been an interest of mine. I loved developing my talent and starting a business. When other people appreciate your work, and will actually pay you for it? What a gratifying — and intensely intimidating — feeling!

Eventually, after doing a million family photo shoots for cheap, I tried to tackle the wedding market (and absolutely hated it). I came up with my little vacation photography biz a couple years later. It’s just what it sounds like. I take pictures of people on vacation! Or at least in vacation spots. Mostly Disneyland and the beach. It is about the most fun you could ever have at work!

But over time, it grew tiring. The traffic is always a grind and a 2-hour photo session means I’m gone for 6 hours of the day. It’s often weekend work, so I miss my husband. They are super early mornings to beat the heat and the crowds. Of course to add insult to injury; when I know I have to wake up before the sun does, I also can’t sleep. Thanks, brain.

Between the exhaustion, the driving, the actual photo shoot, the emails, and the editing, each individual gig can take daysss of my life away. And the session fee no longer makes sense as a sustainable business model. Which is why the past 2 years, I not only raised my prices, but I’ve cut back significantly. I can’t take jobs on Fridays because of the traffic and I am more selective with my clientele.

I’m fortunate enough to do so, and I don’t mean to sound like I’m ungrateful or complaining. It’s just whenever people ask me why I’m still doing it, I can’t really give a straight answer. Other than what I mentioned before.

poshmark

Another business idea that I’ve dabbled with is resale. We all know I’m a clothes horse. There have been times where I made myself sick donating bags and bags of clothes that were barely worn. So when I changed my shopping habits, I also changed my donation habits.

Instead of just throwing everything in a bag and dropping it off at the nearest Goodwill, I try to be more thoughtful with my purging. The first question I ask myself is “can the items be mended, re-purposed, or given to someone who will really appreciate it?” Once those items are separated from the pack, I move on to selling.

I’ve been using Poshmark for about a year and it’s been a great way to feel less guilty about getting rid of stuff. The clothes will hopefully go to someone who can use them, and I get to make a small piece of my investment back. Something seems better than nothing!

It went so well during the first month, that I started using thrift stores as a sourcing tool. I would buy items for $3-5 and turn around to sell them for $15-20+. When I’m consistent with it, it can be a pretty good little side gig. But when I fall behind, I really fall behind.

I’m good at the shopping part (shocking, I know) so piles of clothes end up sitting in our dining room for months at a time. Along with boxes and baggies that I save for shipping. A whole corner of our house is just piled with junk. And each time I look at the pile, ready to tackle it… I find every excuse in the book not to. It just becomes too overwhelming.

Currently, I am feeling on top of it. Sort of. It took me weeks to catch up. But now I won’t add any items until everything from the previous batch is listed. If I decide to go to the thrift store, my goal is to buy no more than 5 items and then get those listed within 3 days. I don’t know how well it would do as a business if I really put my focus on it and dedicated some hardcore hours to it. But the bottom line is Minimalist Jaana dies a little inside that I have a Posh Pile at all.

sewing

Not to sound too sappy, but sewing was an unexpected blessing in my life. I loved the challenge of teaching myself. It was a measurable skill and it was so nice to use my brain in a different way. Not only does it fill a creative void for me, it also keeps my hands busy. And I really love that.

Of course when people started requesting I make things for them, I couldn’t imagine a better side job. Are we noticing a pattern here? I seem to take every hobby I like and try to make money from it. Haha.

So I was off and running! I never went as far as to create an actual business, but I was buying fabric by the bolt and sewing my little heart out. Making up patterns and bookmarking every skill I needed to add to my repertoire.

As usual, I’d overdo it and need a break for a few months before I’d start again. Summer seemed to be my key sewing season because all the items I make are lightweight linens and clean lines — really simple and easy to wear.

However to make a business of sewing, I need to do it every single day. And who has the time??? I never seem to price my items appropriately to actually make much money. And to put it simply, once I started making deadlines for myself and trying to turn a profit, it lost the spark of joy it once gave me.

As I’ve sold through most of my stock, I’ve been slow to pick it up again. But this month, I’m participating in a challenge called #selflesssewingseptember, so it’s given me a new focus where I sew for others, just for the fun of it. And that’s about as far as my heart will take me right now.

blogging

Running a blog may be the most love/hate relationship of them all. Oh my gosh, it makes me laugh how up and down it’s been over the last 12 years! It started, once again, as a creative outlet. An online journal of sorts. EVERYBODY HAD A BLOG OKAY. And being as hip as I am, I joined the blogspot life and wrote little stories and posted pictures for my friends to see.

It eventually (and unexpectedly) grew into something bigger. So it became my passion in life. I L-O-V-E-D loved writing for my blog. I wrote every single day and posted a few times a week. Sometimes I’d stay up late into the night getting the pictures just right and I got a great sense of accomplishment from it. As a new mom, navigating this weird new world, I really craved the connection. I was so lucky to get consistently great feedback and eventually decided, after doing so much work for free, that I really wanted blogging to be my job.

So I started reaching out to companies to offer discounts to my readers. I applied to be an affiliate (which means you make a commission when people buy things from your site). I guest blogged. Cross promoted. Spent so much time trying to build my Instagram following. Pinterest-ed like it was going out of style. Had some really awesome opportunities.

And lo, and behold, while the blog was doing modestly well as far as followers were concerned, there was a lot of rejection involved! I couldn’t seem to get approved as an affiliate, and therefore couldn’t find a way to make money doing this. I couldn’t get my IG following off the ground. My traffic was good, but something just wasn’t clicking. It honestly didn’t bother me much, I just knew I needed better stories, better content, better pictures, better everything. I had to keep pushing.

I would change my mind every day — hell, every hour — about the path I’d chosen for myself.

It eventually began to weigh on me that I wasn’t good enough. I was comparing myself to everyone else and couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I wanted to stay true to me and that felt hard.

I didn’t give up writing right away. But I gave up trying to make money. One last rejection letter from the RewardStyle affiliate program was the sign I needed that this wasn’t going to happen for me. I just didn’t have IT. I felt ok with that realization, but just didn’t know what to do with it all next.

I kept writing for a while, and tried to keep people updated. Especially when it came to Stevie. But after several long lulls, lack of inspiration (and picking up all these side hobbies lol), I finally realized I was also probably dealing with a bit of depression… I just didn’t care anymore. I would sit down to write, and NOTHING. My thoughts and my words wouldn’t come. Everything that poured from my fingers felt stupid and trivial. Who cares what I have to say anyway?

So I went from writing every day to writing MAYBE once a month, and being sublimely unsatisfied with anything I published. Other than my saint of a mother (hi mom!), my audience was no longer engaged and I no longer felt witty or clever. I’d read my old stories and try to emulate them, but nothing came naturally anymore. I truly felt that what I had to say no longer mattered.

I don’t know why any of that happened. I’ve never figured it out. But it’s been hard to get behind the ol’ laptop ever since.

On the upside of this depressing story of failure; last week, on a whim, I decided to apply for the RewardStyle affiliate program once again. It had been 2+ years since my last rejection letter, so I went in with low expectations. But I figured one last try wouldn’t hurt. The worst they could say was no (again) and I’d be no worse for wear.

Wouldn’t you know, I got approved?

I don’t think I ever let go of the idea that this could possibly happen somehow, some way. But I certainly wasn’t ready to fully commit. I still don’t think I am. I currently have found it difficult to write and come up with content, so I really don’t know what will become of this. Documenting the day to day used to be fun, and now feels like a chore added to an already long to-do list.

At the very least, I got myself in a better head space and stopped playing the comparison game. I can admire others without being as successful as them. With the help of my influencer girlfriends and a social media break or two, it’s easier to keep in perspective how silly it all can be. So. I suppose I will continue to grow in my own time. Or not. I will only aim to be myself and have a little fun. If I make some money along the way, I’ll be pleasantly surprised and grateful.

And hey, if you’re along for the ride — WELCOME. Thank you for being here. I’ve always loved this window into other parts of the world, and other people’s lives. But if not, that’s ok too. It’s not required of anyone in this life to like me. Knowing that, and accepting it is actually so freeing. One of the perks of getting older too, I suppose.

outfits of the week

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I have to say, it felt really good writing all of this out. It’s something I’ve been trying to put into words for a long time, but again they wouldn’t come. Or when they would, I’d just delete it because it felt so meh. It doesn’t provide answers. But it’s like the blog therapy sessions of yore. The brain dumps I used to write.

As far as career advice, some people tell me to pick a lane and run with it 100%. Others suggest that being a Jack of all trades is the way to go. No need to pin myself down to one thing. So will I ever be a one-job kinda woman?

We may never know. But I’m trying it all.

Until I’m burned out again and everything sucks.

loves,
jaana