But today was not a good day. I was feeling good this morning, but it took an ugly turn. We had an ultrasound at 9am, which I assumed was just a routine ultrasound. We were looking forward to seeing how the little one had grown in the last couple of weeks and make sure it’s little heart was beating and it was moving around. And everything looked great!

What I didn’t know was that this was a 1st trimester “Screening” test where they measure the baby’s Nuchal Translucency to see if there is risk for Down’s Syndrome or other birth defects. HUH?! When did I sign up for this test? Well, regardless, the doctor scared the be-jeezus out of us. As soon as he was done with the ultrasound, he got really serious and said, “Your baby is measuring large on the nuchal fold. Anything under a 3.5mm is normal and yours is a 4.4mm.”

As first time parents and only going through our 2nd pregnant doctor’s appointment EVER, I had no idea what he was talking about. He went on to explain that we should do further chromosomal testing because this was possibly a high-risk pregnancy with major complications. He suggested a CVS (chorionic villus sampling) be done within the next week.

Hubs and I stared at each other dumbfounded as the doctor told us to take a minute to decide what we wanted to do.

So we went from feeling elated that our baby was growing and looking good to the world crashing down around us. It’s the worst news a parent can hear – that something is wrong with your baby.

So we talked (well, I cried and blubbered out a few words) as we tried to decide what we were going to do. But the conclusion that we came to was that we just needed more information. The doctor was so vague and we weren’t really understanding what all this meant.

We headed back up to the doctor and asked him to just break this down for us in basic, simple terms. He said “Am I making this too complicated for you to understand?” I replied that no, it wasn’t complicated, it was a lot of information to take in and we just wanted to make sure we understood everything so we could make an informed decision. That’s when the story changed a little bit. He explained that our risk for Down’s Syndrome was .25%. A QUARTER OF ONE PERCENT. That’s what you had me in tears over and fearing for my baby’s life was a quarter of one percent??? There are some risks for other birth defects, so he still encouraged getting a CVS test done.

Once I got home, I scoured the internet for more information. My gut was telling me that everything was fine. But of course this doctor is telling me that things are probably not fine, so I had to rationalize and find every bit of information that I could. Turns out 95% of people who go in for a CVS test have completely normal results. It’s an invasive and very expensive procedure. It carries a 2% risk that it will cause a miscarriage. And again, 95% of people recommended for this test come back with normal results. And I didn’t want to take this test in first place! It causes so much worry and stress and I’ve heard that from a lot of people. If I had known this was what it was, I would’ve passed on the screening test in the first place.

For some people, I totally understand they want to make sure that everything is perfect. And if it’s not, they can terminate the pregnancy early on. I get that. However, for me, I feel so blessed to have a baby at all. I feel like nature and God will do their thing and we will work with what we get. But I still have the overwhelming feeling that my baby is fine. I saw it’s heart beating today, I saw it’s back and it’s nose and lips. It has KNEES for heaven’s sake! And I’m in love. Even if something WAS wrong, I could not make the decision to end it’s life. That’s not up to me to decide. If nature takes a turn for the worst and we have a very sick baby, we will deal with that then. And that’s not easy to say. But my gut says that we will be fine. The odds are in our favor all the way.

Damn doctors.