Blah. To put things very plainly: I am struggling. Big surprise, I know. Like when is this chick ever not struggling?! I’m with you! Get it together already lady! Eh, this past week with Stevie… do I even say? It sucked. To the point where I couldn’t find the funny in it anymore. Tantrum in the middle of the street? Not funny, Stevie. Telling me you wanted to go to the playground every 30 seconds for 4 hours straight? Not funny. Riding your little tricycle into oncoming traffic because you didn’t want me to help you? Also file under NOT FUNNY. Having a screaming fit in the store because the car you picked out was too warm? Ok that was kind of funny.
Paul and I took a time out and went on a date last night. As parents do, a good majority of our evening was spent talking about our kid. But not the usual talk of “we miss him!” or “wasn’t it silly when he said this?” or “wasn’t it cute when he did that?” Our talks sound a little different. And this talk mostly consisted of the same question over and over – “WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO?”
The answer is simple. I don’t know!
Not very comforting, especially considering this is a 4 year old we’re talking about and not a teenager. We have been so lucky in the past to get all the therapy and help we asked for from Regional Center. But now, with the lack of a diagnosis for him, it has been quite a bit more difficult. And we need help. Stevie needs help. I simply don’t have the means to teach him the way I wish I could. I’m working on getting the help, but in the mean time things are just frustrating.
As I rolled out of bed this morning, so not ready to, I tried to gear up for the day ahead. And I couldn’t. I just felt lost. No direction. No plan. I’m not mentally prepared to take on the parenting challenges of today. So. I guess I’ll just try to remember my mantra as of late:
Just when I think I can’t do another second of this… I do. I should be a motivational speaker.
— you and me both, kid —
And on that note, I wanted to share with you a blog post I wrote a couple weeks ago for The Mother Effin’ Truth blog. Just in case you missed it. About a typical day in the life with Stevie, along with a little of his background in case you were wondering.
Wish us luck for a better week ahead. These things generally take a turn for the better just as I’m about to throw in the towel.
That photo breaks my heart! I want to grab him through the Internet and give him a big ole bear hug. Have you ever tried that when he is having a tantrum?
You hit the nail on the head when you said you don’t have a diagnosis. He will still be the same kid, but it will give you a focus, direction, plan, understanding, and a passport to services. When I first started reading your blog, I went back and read all the posts on Stevie, looking for the post where you received what I think should be his diagnosis, and it wasn’t there. So I pray for that, for you.
In the meantime, A-B-C. Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence. Puzzle it out. What’s the behavior, what came before, what does he get from it? Can you change A or C? And Picture Schedules might help with transitions. You probably already know this stuff. :0)
One day, you will wake up and that little baby will be taller than you, and you will think “wait a second, I just blinked and where did the time go?”
Hang in there, kiddo.
Lotsa love from The Lonestar State,
Wanda
You are amazing. Thank you for helping me be more tolerant and less judgemental when I see young mothers struggling in public. How easily we forget when those days are past for us. Never doubt yourself as the best mother ever.
Hi Jaana. I had contacted you after you were first introduced on Unfancy (my daughter had a heart transplant). Although I do not face many of the challenges you do every day, I want you to know that I have a small sense of where you are coming from. I also wanted to let you know that my mantra is “the days are long, but the years are short” Even though this week is a tough one, one day you will look back at it wishing you could go back. You are an awesomely strong woman, mother, wife. I can’t imagine the internal struggles you go through on a minute by minute basis, but you are doing something right. Just keep going!
Love you sissy! Wish I were closer!!!!
Me too!! Time for that sister trip!
Yes. Yes it is!
I have solutions for you… MORE date nights (and agree that you will talk about anything but Stevie). Give yourself that vacation, even if it is for only a couple hours. MORE Stevie-free mini-vacations. Go stay overnight in Solvang and let loose. Recharge your mental and emotional batteries. MORE babies. Yes, have yourself another little brat. This is for the future. Giving Stevie a play pal can give you MORE mini-breaks. Also, as they grow older together, he’ll have somebody who can take him to the park. And when you and Paul are old and decrepit, you’ll rest assure knowing that Stevie has a lifelong best pal to look after him if/when he needs it. Plus, you can have fun trying (and I hear it is a great stress reliever — Paul can thank me later).
Why am I paying for therapy?! I’ll just come to you Tim! Thank you for the thoughtful advice. But not for reminding me we will be old and decrepit someday.
😉 thx T.
Oh Jaana! I love you so much. Praying for strength.
xoxo
I started following your blog after seeing you on un-fancy.I’ve just read you post over on The Mother Effin Truth and now I think you rock even more than I thought you did cos our your cool hair and sneakers!! I have no words of parenting wisdom but when the tough days come at me I try and remember this great quote – Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”
Beautifully said. Thank you for the reminder. xoxo
sending virtual hug! ahhh I wish I can give you a day-off & watch Stevie
You’re so sweet!
We had a three month period [naturally right around when my mom died] when every day with Lily was pushing way past the tolerance threshold. Every night at least one of us checked out and then it randomly just stopped- turned out she was trying so hard not to poop in the potty, she was getting a little…cranky…
Haha I love that it all boiled down to poop. I’m hoping once Stevie is potty trained it will give him a new sense of independence! Just gotta get him to start! Hope Lily is doing better too. Those days suck, especially when it’s all in a row with no break!
Wishing you the best of luck and much strength!
Thank you! xo