We keep reminding you that you’re turning 4 today. You don’t really know what that means.

And you don’t really know what it means to us.

You don’t know how grateful we are for you. How we longed to have you here and then worked to keep you here when it seemed against the odds.

I want to promise you that it will get easier, but I can’t.  I can only promise that we will try and make the most of things.  That we will always look out for your best interests.  And I can promise that you will be surrounded by love.  While life might feel hard, just know it’s no harder than anyone else’s.  Your challenges will just be different. It’s all about your attitude (which you have plenty of, for the record.)

I wonder if one day you will realize all that you’ve been through. All the challenges you’ve faced in the early days of what is hopefully a long and healthy life. We are in the middle of some of those challenges. They smack us in the face first thing every morning. They suffocate me sometimes. Leave me breathless as I wrestle with how to raise you, as I make mistake after mistake.

We are learning together.

Will you ever understand how much people admire your strength and courage? It doesn’t feel like courage to you yet, because you are just living what you know.  But one day, will you see what we all see?

A brave little boy with a helluva personality. A kid who works so hard to accomplish things that come naturally to others. A child who laughs with his whole heart and feels joy when he can make those around him laugh too. A sensitive side that shows when mom cries. You cry with me, even though you don’t know why. Your small body is riddled with scars, but they make your soul tough. A survivor. A fighter. A warrior.

You’re 4. You’re only 4 years old. And you’re already all of these things.

No pressure, but you better grow up to be freakin’ awesome.

We love you with our whole hearts. Happy birthday, son.

Stevie’s 1 year pic
Stevie’s 2 year pic
Stevie’s 3 year pic