Well, true to form, I somehow make myself really busy and overwhelmed right before we have a big thing coming up.

Stevie’s been approved for his eyelid surgery (1 of 2) scheduled for June 17th.

A bunch of doctor appointments and pre-ops go along with that.  And instead of trying to stay calm and keep things simple, I take on a bunch of jobs and decide it’s a grrrreat time to clean out closets and bedrooms.  And now I sit looking up from the bottom of the whirlwind, wondering how I’ll get it all done.

The reality of the matter is that none of the stuff is really that important.  It’s more of a distraction so I don’t have to focus on how scared I feel.  But I wish overall that I’d just be a little more zen about this stuff, ya know?

Yup, we’ve been through it all before.  And yup, it could be a lot worse.  This will be a relatively easy surgery.  Outpatient – as long as all goes well.  But it’s still scary.  It’s been about a year since we’ve had to deal with one.  But all the old memories and fears still somehow surface.

I hate that this will be his 7th and 8th time under anesthesia.  I hate that I know the routine of how it will all go.  I hate that this is Stevie’s reality and that my hugs will be helpless against how confused and angry he is when he wakes up after the fact.

I want to feel more control.  And I’ve twisted this scenario in my mind every which way to see if this one was avoidable.  It will change his looks, so maybe it should be up to him when he’s older!  But his poor sight simply hinders him and his development too much.  And since we can’t change any of it, we will just go on.  And some people will wonder how we do it.  And I can tell you I don’t know.  We just do.  And you would too.